My blog is about healthy balance, and I'm trying to create this blog not as a person recovered from an eating disorder, but as a person living and helping others to live a healthy life. However, I know that the balance in my own life was created through recovering from my eating disorder and being inspired by many people and concepts along the way. So, talking about eating disorders here is very relevant to me.
That theme can be taken in so many different directions. Eating disorders have a stereotype, for sure. Whether an eating disorder sufferer or someone on the outside, there are lots of false beliefs that run through our minds when we think of eating disorders. So, it can be surprising, or even shocking, to some people when those myths are disspelled. I thought I would explore a few of those right here.
I had no idea that eating disorder sufferers don't have to be underweight.
This is not just a myth that many people without eating disorders believe, but many people with eating disorders are shocked to find this out as well. Anorexia Nervosa is the only eating disorder that has a weight criteria -- and even that, with the newest diagnostic changes reflected in the DSM 5, is not a hard-and-fast rule. When I began to open up to people about my eating disorder, many people told me that they had no idea. Of course, my eating disordered brain told me that that was because I was not thin, and which may have affected people's shock, but it probably was not the only thing. Many people with eating disorders hide it well.
I had no idea that behaviors like calorie restriction and self-induced vomiting were dangerous when the person does not fit the diagnostic criteria for anorexia or bulimia.
I have a tumblr blog, where I'm "out" about being a therapist and being recovered from an eating disorder, and so I often get anonymous questions about whether or not someone has "a problem." While I definitely don't give clinical advice on there and give general encouragement to seek help from a professional in person, I do notice patterns in the kinds of questions I get! I frequently get questions from people asking if it's okay to fast only a few days a week, if it's okay to purge just a couple of times a month, or if it's okay to actively work to maintain an unhealthily low weight as long as they are eating. NO, IT'S NOT OKAY! You don't need to be sitting in the "anorexia" or "bulimia" box to have an eating disorder - you just need to be in the same general area as the box. And, that being said, if you're really sure that you don't have an eating disorder, behaviors that mirror eating disorder behaviors are still unhealthy.
I had no idea that following hunger and fullness cues will typically keep you at a healthy weight.
I fell victim to this one. I believed that my body would lead me wrong, that listening to my body would lure me to eat tons of food and never exercise. I believed that if I listened to my hunger and fullness cues, I would be out of control. The truth is, though, that the reason why I felt that my hunger and fullness cueswould lead me wrong, was because I didn't really know what they were. I don't mean the awareness of being absolutely starving or Thanksgiving-dinner full. Those aren't cues, those are screaming directions for action. I'm talking about the inbetween. The, "I had a snack so I'm not ready for dinner yet" or the "this is the most delicious thing ever but I actually feel like I'm content now. Maybe I'll take home the leftovers." We disconnect from our bodies when struggling with eating disorders, but even many of those without eating disorders struggle to really experience their hunger and fullness. Why? Mindfulness. We are so busy multitasking, focusing on anything but the experience of food filling our stomachs, that we don't notice when we're full, and sometimes eat too much. Or maybe we eat the same daily sandwich out of habit, and ignore the fact that we had an intense workout earlier today and could probably use some additional nutrition. And then, when diet culture is considered, there are so many appetite suppressants and other products out there that confuse our bodies, and "rules" that even "non-eating disordered" people often follow that interfere with noticing and honoring our hunger and fullness cues. I told my dietitian that she was crazy when she suggested intuitive eating. But over time, I began to become more mindful of my body's needs (possibly through my yoga practice, but I'm not entirely sure how) and intuitive eating kind of took hold of itself. I know that the times I have gained weight, I have not been eating mindfully or intuitively. Intuitive does not mean "impulsive." It involves your appetite, your mind, your body. The whole deal. When you slow down and listen to those cues, they won't lead you wrong. It takes time to get in tune with them, but the only way you'll get there is time and effort.
I had no idea that full recovery from an eating disorder was possible.
I support those individuals with eating disorders who see recovery as a journey and not as a destination, who believe that they will always be inrecovery and not fully recovered. That's not how I feel about it myself but I can support that ideology for others. What I cannot support, though, is future professionals, and current professionals, who deem eating disorder sufferers automatically as chronic, personality disordered, hopeless cases. I was in a class in social work school once, with a couple of other young women who I had met in various stages of eating disorder treatment, and we were discussing policy surrounding insurance coverage for eating disorder treatment. My classmate, who wanted to be a therapist treating eating disroders and did several internships in the field, raised her hand to "explain" to the class why insurance does not cover treatment. "Even research validates that people don't really recover from eating disorders. It's pretty much useless for them to cover treatment. Something like 10% of people make a full recovery." I don't know the source of this statistic, but I don't deny that it might be true. However, like many statistics, it can be colored to make a point when other facts are left out. For example, yes, the number of people, out of the total number of eating disorder sufferers in this world, who fully recover may be very small. However, the total percentage of individuals with eating disorders who receive treatment of any kind may be equally as small. It's hard to find such a number but it's estimated that a similar 10% receive treatment. So maybe most of those 10% recover - and some don't. And some of those individuals who never received treatment may be able to recover on their own. It's about more than just one basic statistic. I'm proud to say that many of the people I was in treatment with have recovered and are living full lives.
I had no idea eating disorders were so lethal.
On the opposite side of the coin, though a full recovery is possible, death is sadly also possible. In preparation for a speech I made at my former treatment center, I wrote about the possibility of recovery and how awesome it was to see so many of my peers from treatment living awesome lives. Less than two weeks later, one of my dearest "treatment friends," who I met eight years ago, passed away as a result of gastroparesis complications - a direct consequence of her eating disorder. While her parents expressed to me that, emotionally, she was in a much better place for the past several months, unfortunately, the body cannot always follow suit and emotional progress cannot always correct the damage done. Putting off treatment or recovery till tomorrow, and choosing to focus on school or work, or "just lose a little more weight first" might seem fine right now, but the longer you struggle, the more likely you are to have lifelong, and life-threatening, complications. Not to say that a longtime struggle is necessary for an eating disorder to be deadly - even a short-term struggle can kill or cause longterm serious medical problems. I knew early on that eating disorders "kill." I had seen enough lifetime movies and even met people on message boads who passed away. I witnessed news of heart attacks and suicides in my acquaintences, peers, and friends-of-friends, but it never hit home like it did when I lost my friend. Unfortunately, I worry that this message will fall on deaf ears. It may never hit home for you reading this until it strikes much closer, but I hope that the knowledge of the lethality of eating disorders informs your own eating behaviors, steps toward recovery, and/or decisions to be sensitive about commenting on others' bodies, food, and struggles.
Other things that people sometimes have no idea about: The power of their words. The impact of their disorder on others. The impact of their diet on others. The importance of treatment in recovery from eating disorders. The incredibly high cost of treatment. The even higher cost of foregoing treatment. The uniqueness of every eating disorder sufferer, and unique needs for recovery. The growing epidemic (or possibly just growing awareness) of eating disorders. The number of eating disorder related deaths ("cause of death" is always listed as the type of organ failure, "eating disorder" is not listed). The fact that eating disorders are not usually caused by the media, but the fact that the media certainly plays a role in triggering and/or sustaining eating disorders. The repercussions of the diet culture in which we live. The effects of malnutrition in a person who is a "healthy weight." The prevalence of therapists who are recovered from eating disorders (including me, and including MINE!). That traditional treatment doesn't work for everyone. The power of education and advocacy. The need for fundraising for treatment. The need for the work of incredible organizations like Project HEAL. The number of individuals recovered from eating disorders who are now doing incredible work as advocates, and the sadly low portion of advocates who have not suffered themselves. The way your mind really can change through recovery - it's not just about accepting a body you don't want. The gravity of the disease, the cost of help, the hope for recovery, and the possibilities that exist after.
